Knell's Bells

Four weeks!

2009-08-26T11:57:00.000-07:00

Frances has been here for a whole four weeks. I'm still getting used to it; she made her entry so quickly. I labored at home for about 2 hours, thinking there was plenty of time. Just as I was about to call my doctor and tell him we were on our way to the hospital, the contractions suddenly got very, very painful. We rushed out the door as quickly as we could, which was not as fast as I'd have liked, and got to the hospital just in time. Fortunately, the ER staff that morning was the most competent one I know and he got us up to labor and delivery quickly on a gurney. (I once delivered a baby in the L&D triage area as the woman was transferring from wheelchair to bed -- not ideal. Considering my water broke and the baby started to crown on the way from the elevator to L&D, I'm glad I was lying down.) An OB resident and friend of mine delivered Frances. My doctor didn't even know I'd delivered until that afternoon!

Anyway, Franny's very cute and sweet. And tiny! She only weighed 6lb 6oz at birth. I was not expecting such a small baby after having an 8lb Edith. Franny's been trying to catch up, though, and is quite the little piglet. She already looks so much bigger and fatter than when she was born. She enjoys being worn around the house and around town in my baby wrap -- wish I had had it when Edie was tiny. She sleeps or just looks around with her giant dark blue eyes.

Edie's still getting used to having a baby around. She mostly ignored Franny for the first few weeks when she realized that the baby wasn't a new toy for her to play with. She isn't overtly jealous, but she does get pretty frustrated when I can't pick her up or get on the floor with her because I'm nursing. Now that Franny's not eating constantly, I'm able to play with her a bit more and she's happier. She's also more interested in Frances, mostly patting her sweetly and blowing kisses, only occasionally trying to poke her in the eye.

In other super-important news, Edie is finally walking! She'd been cruising well and taking two or three steps here and there, but one day around the seventh of this month, she just started walking all over the place. She began by crawling on her feet and hands with her bum in the air, which was pretty funny. Then she just stood up and took off! Carl bought a little monkey backpack/leash for her, but we haven't really tried it out. I doubt it will be a big hit, but it's bound to be easier than holding onto her squirming hand when she's trying to fling herself into traffic or down the outside stairs.

My little walker just woke up from her nap and is going to the playground with Daddy. Her sister is sleeping sweetly in her wrap. I'm going to miss maternity leave.

Bigger every day!

2008-07-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Edith,

It's true. You are bigger and better every day. You're back in the 60th percentile for weight and you're outgrowing many of your 0-3 month clothes. You're smiling and cooing all the time now, and you're starting to try out consonants, mostly G's. Your daddy has bought you several new little chime toys to hang from your carseat and gym, and you've been expertly batting and kicking at them. Your head control is getting better, and you're able to put up with longer periods of tummy time before you get too frustrated and start crying. This afternoon, I noticed you trying to catch your feet in your hands for the first time while you were lying on your back after a diaper change.
It's hard now that I'm spending so much time at work. I miss you all day. When your daddy comes to pick me up though, I sit in the back seat with you for the ride home. You smile at me and try to talk. It's my favorite time of day, next to bedtime.
Lately, we've been trying to get a bedtime routine going. I feed you, then change your diaper and get you into pajamas. Then we snuggle for a little while and read a book together and sing a lullaby or two. As tired as I am at the end of the day, it's very hard to put you into your bassinet and go to sleep. Cuddling and talking with you makes me feel like I can happily face whatever the next day throws at me. When I get frustrated with paperwork or patients or my hectic schedule, I just think about that big toothless grin that's waiting for me at home. I love you, little Edie.

Hawaii

2008-06-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

We've officially moved now. I don't know how long it will take for our stuff to get here, but our car should be here soon. We've been living in a hotel room for the past week and a half, but we just signed the lease on a nice two-bedroom townhouse on Aliamanu Military Reservation. It's got a screened-in lanai! The Army is even lending us furniture until ours gets here.
Edie's growing like a weed. She just barely fits sideways in her pack-and-play now, as opposed to before when that's how she'd normally sleep. She's been working very hard on putting her pacifier into her mouth on her own, but her experiments usually result in frustration and fussing.
I'm still in new intern orientation, which means mostly short hours and lots of days off. Carl and I have been enjoying exploring the island. We've been to the big Ala Moana Shopping Center several times, and we drove up to a beach on the western shore near Kahe Point earlier this week. There are pictures on Carl's Flickr account of Edie being cute in our little sun shelter on the beach: http://flickr.com/photos/cburgers/ (Please ignore the picture of me being fat.)

So much has happened!

2008-06-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I wrote anything here. We've been so busy with graduation and moving, not to mention taking care of you! You're over six weeks old now and getting prettier every day. You've earned yourself a new nickname: Hippo. It started out because of a hand-me-down outfit you have with a hippo on it and the words "'Lil Hippo." Your Grandma Diane disapproved of calling a little girl a hippo, so we joked about it and the name stuck. (You're hungry like a hippo and can open your mouth very WIDE.) Since then, so many coincidences have kept the nickname alive:
1. Your chart at the pediatrician's in Little Rock had a hippo stamp on it.
2. Aunt Becky gave us a "Happy Hippo Play Gym."
3. Jeff and Lisa Miller gave you a purple hippo piggy-bank.
4. The Shackletts gave you a hippo teething toy.
5. Your daddy had already bought a book called Hippos Go Berserk!, and I had read it to you before you were born. It makes you smile when we start to read it now.

You're smiling quite a bit now and making lots of other funny faces. You try to roll over, and your daddy claims you've succeeded (back to front) once. Your major project right now is learning how to put your pacifier in your mouth by yourself after it's fallen out. It's great to watch you try and try, and think and think. Eventually your daddy or I have to put it in for you, but you're getting better at it all the time!

You took the move to Hawaii very well and have been to the beach a few times now. You're not keen on hats, so we keep you in a big sun shelter that's like half a tent. I mostly hang out with you in there, too, as I don't want to get sunburned either. We'll be moving into our new place on Wednesday, and you'll have your own room! Don't worry, though -- we'll keep you in our room for a little while longer. I don't want to be too far away, as you still wake up hungry two or three times in the night.

Your daddy has posted pictures of you and the family and the beach and other things on this website: http://flickr.com/photos/cburgers/

Dr. Burgers, Medicine Woman

2008-05-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Heck yes. I have an MD. That means you have to call me doctor.

Milestone?

2008-05-10T16:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Edith,

Well, I don't think it counts as a real milestone, but in the interest of being as embarrassing a parent as possible...
Today you had your first major poop leak. I was holding you on the couch and noticed your back was awfully wet. At first I thought you were very hot and sweaty, but you weren't. It was gross, yellow, breastmilk poop. Then I saw that it was everywhere: you, the nursing pillow, and my clothes. Disgusting. Several wipes and a good deal of hot water and baking soda were necessary.

Don't worry. Despite the grossness, I still think you're precious.

Edie!

2008-05-05T21:14:00.001-07:00

Well, Edith Rose was born April 30, 2008 at 10:40 am. She weighed 8lb 1oz, was 20 inches long, and has a full head of hair that's exactly the same color as Carl's. So far, everything's been going well. We're a bit sleepless but very happy.
(As far as labor goes, take my advice, ladies: if a kind-hearted nurse offers you stadol in the middle of a very bad contraction, just say no. It doesn't make anything better or easier, but rather makes you completely unable to rationalize the pain. It also makes it difficult for you to communicate the fact that, yes, that epidural doesn't sound too bad right now, thanks. So much for my plans of a natural birth.)
Edie's nicknames so far:
- Fussbucket
- Flopsy (Carl's favorite)
- Piglet
- Haven't thought of a nickname for when she has the hiccups, which is several times per day. I do however get the urge to sing Weezer's "Island in the Sun" every time she goes "Hic, hic."

Pictures

2008-05-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from the hospital.

You're here!

2008-05-05T18:29:00.000-07:00

Edie,
You made your appearance on April 30 at 10:40 am. The thing I remember most about that moment is screaming in pain (because that last push hurt) and then immediately smiling with absolute joy and saying, "Oh, hello! I love you so much," as the doctor placed you on my tummy. Your daddy was talking to you and crying (which he pretty much never does). Everything but the three of us disappeared. You were (and are) certainly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and you made this happy couple an even happier family.
As I write this, you are snoozing peacefully in the bouncy seat, surrounded by piles of folded laundry. You went to your first pediatrician's visit this afternoon where you were diagnosed with adorableness. Your daddy and I then decided to further test a baby's portability with a trip to the shops. You did quite well! And don't worry -- I know that you're still very little and kept you away from anybody who could cough on you.
Everything about you is so new and sweet, from your fuzzy little ears to your kissable toes. It's very hard to stop snuggling you sometimes. Your daddy and I are trying to remember to take lots of pictures and videos to remember your "tiny time". In fact, he just recorded you looking around at the unfocused living room and hiccuping. You get the hiccups a lot, but it doesn't seem to bother you much.
For someone so small, you do a lot of cute and funny things. You make goofy faces, both when your asleep and when you're awake. You get all relaxed and floppy when you're deep asleep, which has prompted us to nickname you "Flopsy." Then you wiggle and squirm all over the place in the bath or on the changing table. You really don't like either. You have a couple of other nicknames, including "Piglet" and "Fussbucket." Those are pretty self-explanatory. You really don't fuss too much, though, as you are a remarkably sweet and happy baby. We really lucked out with you. I have a sneaking suspicion your future childhood antics will more than make up for this fairly easy newborn period, though.
I really should be in bed right now, considering you're due to wake up hungry in a couple of hours, but I thought I should write to you first. We're so happy you're here.
Love,
Mommy
P.S. -- I just read your daddy's last post. Looks like we had the exact same thoughts! We both love you very much.

Carl made Edie a blog

2008-04-29T05:41:00.001-07:00

It's linked over to the right of this page. She's also got a Facebook profile if you want to friend her. It's a waiting game right now, and we're trying to be patient. That's getting pretty difficult, though, knowing that she's all baked and ready to come out. She's dropped down and has been gradually curling herself into a little ball. I figure she'll eventually realize she's running out of room in there and start feeling cramped enough to consider crawling out. Maybe today!

Waiting!

2008-04-29T02:30:00.000-07:00

Edie,
Your daddy and I are anxiously awaiting your imminent arrival. Patience is getting more and more difficult. I want to be able to hold you and see what you look like. You have LOTS of very cute clothes waiting for you that I'd love to be able to dress you up in. Hope you like pink. Your Grandma Partrick and Aunt Becky call every few days to check on your progress. Grandpa Burgers does the same. Daddy calls home from work every day to hopefully ask if you're on your way yet.
I know you'll come out when you're good and ready, but I'd like it to be soon! I love you very, very much.
Mommy

News

2008-04-26T20:50:00.001-07:00

Yes, I ignored this blog for over a year. Eh, I'm like that.
News items:
1. Married as of December 16, 2006 to Carl. We're happy as clams.
2. Expecting baby Edith Rose Burgers any day now.
3. Receiving MD on May 17, 2008.
4. Moving to Oahu and beginning Family Medicine residency at Tripler Army Medical Center in June.

Yes, I'm stressed out. But also excited.

Boo-ya!

2006-08-23T17:18:00.000-07:00

By being entirely honest, I totally won:

Get Your Drunk Personality at LiquidGeneration.com!

Bye-bye, O.R.!

2006-08-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

I got real busy and not in the mood for blogging there for awhile. But today was the last day of my surgery rotation, so I thought I'd write a celebratory post. Hooray!

I think I will actually miss the operating room, though. It was a nice interesting break from the monotony of taking care of hospital patients. And wearing pajamas to work is excellent, even if you are on your feet all day. But no more of that. I take my surgery shelf exam on Friday, then it's off to internal medicine, which I anticipate will be exceedingly boring.

I'll be in Fayetteville on Saturday and Sunday, so if anything's happening, let me know.

Oh, by the way, my wedding dress came in a couple weeks back, and I don't mind telling you that I look absolutely amazing in it. The sight will be worth the price of admission, people.

Sadly, no one knew that hypertension is the most important medical condition to treat in order to prevent a heart attack. If you have high blood pressure, see a doctor!

Medical Question of the Day: What are the two most common causes of pancreatitis? Hint: One of them is also a major cause of cirrhosis of the liver.

I held a guy's heart!

2006-07-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

During a quadruple bypass (CABGx4) on Friday, it was my official job to hold the heart up and out of the way so the surgeon could access the vessels on the back of it. I also did some retracting and pulling of the rib cage and holding of various metal objects. It was very cool, and I only got snapped at a couple of times.

A few days before that, I almost passed out during a thoracotomy. It wasn't because of the blood or anything; I think my blood sugar just got too low. The surgeon made me lie down on the floor of the OR, and that was embarrassing.

Not much else has been going on, except that I slept about 14 hours last night, basically from the time I got home from the hospital 'til the time I had to go back this morning. Since I worked both days this weekend, I get next weekend off. I'll be hitting Fayetteville, folks, so I hope to see some people.

McBurney's point: a point between 1.5 and 2 inches superomedial to the anterior superior spine of the ilium, on a line joining that process and the umbilicus, where pressure elicits tenderness in acute appendicitis. (Stedman's Medical Dictionary)

Medical Question of the Day: If you have a patient with diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol who refuses to take more than one pill a day, which one of his three conditions should you treat to prevent a heart attack?

Look, Mom! Free time!

2006-07-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

Of course, it's not really free time. It's just down time. I have to be here from 5 am to whenever, but I'm rarely actually doing anything. Right now, I'm checking my e-mail and studying for oral exams before conference at 9.
Here are the actually fun things I've done lately:
1. Bought new clothes. The "mall for rich people" across the street from my apartment was actually having really great sales. I now have some new professional clothes from Banana Republic and Anne Taylor.
2. Watched movies: The Dark, Hoodwinked, and A History of Violence. A History of Violence was really very good, but watch out for two soft-core porn scenes. Other than that, Viggo Mortensen does a great job of playing a really complex character and eliciting sympathy even as his character does some pretty awful things. The other two movies were fun but nothing too special.
3. I found this Achewood strip entertaining: http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=07172006

Congratulations to Micheal for knowing that smoking may cost you a leg or two. Don't do it, people.
Medical Question of the Day: What is McBurney's point?

I passed!

2006-07-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

Yup, I passed Step 1. Big sighs of relief all around. I've just gotten back from celebrating at Grumpy's with my classmates. So far (with 33 scores still to be reported), we have a 97% pass rate this year. Don't worry -- I drank enough to celebrate for you, too.
Answer to last post's Medical Question of the Day: Veins are harder to fix, because they're thinner. Sutures tend to just tear out of them.
Medical Question of the Day: What common lifestyle factor causes most limb amputations related to peripheral vascular disease?

5am to 7pm

2006-07-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks. Those are the typical hours I spend at the hospital for the next 8 weeks. And compared to the time the interns and residents spend, it's a picnic. This is why only crazy people go into surgery. It has been fun for the last couple of days, though. Actually dealing with patients is a lot better than learning random and useless facts.

I took Step 1 and survived, but I won't know whether or not I passed for another couple of weeks. The USMLE people are evil like that. If I didn't pass, I will probably blow something up. (Just something small, though -- like a soda bottle, not a building.)

Everyone should watch this flash toon: http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Animator+vs+Animation/

If you watched it, pat yourself on the back. Good job.

Today's medical question: Why are injuries to veins worse than injuries to arteries?

Why I'm the winner

2006-06-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

Reason #1: Carl asked me to marry him and gave me a beautiful ring. That makes him a winner, too.
Reason #2: I am officially a member of the Catholic Church now. When we take over the world again, I'm hoping to be in charge of administering the comfy chair.
Reason #3: I take Step 1 on June 22 and feel utterly unprepared for it. Granted, that may not really seem like it makes me a winner, but it does. Trust me.

I may have other news later, or I may not. I'm unpredictable that way. That, too, makes me a winner.

An e-mail forwarded to me by my mom

2006-04-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

(A) The number of doctors in the

U.S.

is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%.

Statistics: Courtesy of the U.S.Dept of Health & Human Services

Guns...

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (yes! that's 80 million).
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875%.

Statistics: Courtesy of the FBI

So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember: Guns don't kill people, doctors do.

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!

Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention!

This is proof that all should fear me.

Hi there!

2006-02-27T23:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah, this isn't really going to be much of a post. As usual, my life consists mostly of studying and failing tests. One recent high point:
Carl took me to James at the Mill on Saturday night. We got all dolled up and had a lovely time. This was followed by getting un-dolled up and heading to Felicia's 25th birthday redneck bash. Again, we had a lovely time but of a different sort.

During study breaks, I've been reading Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman. It's interesting and well-written, like pretty much everything else he's done. I think I've decided that he's my favorite modern writer, what with great graphic novel and comic book work, excellently creepy children's stories, and amazing novels. I recently bought MirrorMask (writer: Neil Gaiman, director: Dave McKean) on DVD, and let me tell you, it was not disappointing. If you like visual art, good storytelling, wonderful acting, and general Labyrinth-ish weirdness (minus tights-clad David Bowie), you'll love it. After my test this weekend, I'm planning on renting End of the Spear, which you can find out about here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0399862/ If I remember to and feel like it, I might eventually post a review here.

Ash Wednesday is this week, which means Fat Tuesday is tomorrow. My plans? Studying all day and taking a couple of online quizzes. The excitement never stops.

A quote from Stephan Cardinal Wyszinski:

2005-12-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

"I must remember: Whenever a woman enters the room, always rise no matter how busy you are. Rise, whether it is the Mother Superior, or Sister Kleofasa, who tends the heater. Remember that she always reminds you of the Handmaid of the Lord, at the sound of whose name the Church also rises. Remember that in this way you pay a debt of respect to your Immaculate Mother, with whom this woman is more closely associated than you. In this way you pay a debt towards your own mother, who served you with her own flesh and blood. Rise without delay, and you will be the better for it."

What an incredibly beautiful sentiment!

(Wyszinski was a Polish cardinal imprisoned in a remote convent during Stalin's time.)

Oh wow.

2005-12-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

This link is courtesy of the folks at superdickery.com: http://accstudios.com/
I mean, really, I'm all for knocking out extremists, but is Sean Hannity really the one we want to trust to do it? More seriously, though, this bears a strikingly disturbing resemblance to neo-Nazi propaganda I've seen: a future ruled by ultra-liberals, the call to violent action... the only thing missing is overt racism.

On the other side of things, here's something even more outrageous: http://www.dawneden.com/2005/08/planned-parenthood-fantasizes-about.html
I can personally attest that until recently, that cartoon was actually on the official Planned Parenthood Golden Gate site; it isn't something that pro-lifers made to make other pro-lifers angry. I guess the idiots there eventually figured out how unbelievably offensive it was and that it revealed them to be terrible people, because I can no longer find it on their site. I can imagine that more intelligent, more decent pro-choice folks out there were not happy to be painted with such a broadly unflattering brush.

I apologize...

2005-12-06T16:26:00.000-08:00

for the minor vulgarity of this incredibly hilarious site. Even if you don't like comic books, you'll laugh -- I promise.
http://www.superdickery.com/
Thank you to Carl for introducing me to it.

In other news, I recently played a 10-day trial of World of Warcraft. I made a Tauren warrior named Orual and a Nightelf druid named Nielnor. I shall not play again until I actually own the game, which should be some time after Christmas, and then, of course, only on weekends.

Everyone mark your calendars: January 15 is when I undergo the Rite of Acceptance at Our Lady of the Holy Souls. This is the first rite involved in entering the Catholic Church. I think it's some kind of religious hazing ritual, but I'm not sure. I'll let you know.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-23T14:45:00.000-08:00

So, I thought I'd do a quick post before I drive home.
I haven't really done anything interesting lately. I study, I fail tests, and the cycle repeats itself. I did take some time out recently to read a really incredible book. Almost anyone who knows me knows that I love C.S. Lewis. His non-fiction essays, his apologetics, the Narnia chronicles, the Space Trilogy, I'm always enthralled. For a long time, I've been tempted by Till We Have Faces at Barnes and Noble. I just thought it was the most beautiful title for a book I had ever heard, and I knew it had something to do with the Cupid and Psyche myth, which is a favorite story of mine. So, finally I gave in and bought it. I was up until 2 am finishing it, but I couldn't put it down, not because it was nail-bitingly suspenseful but because it was absolutely beautiful. Lewis wrote convincingly and uncondescendingly from a female perspective, something that very few male authors can do. He was also preachy in a completely unobjectionable way, which is a characteristic I've found almost exclusive to him. The main character and narrator Orual inspired simultaneous pity and exacerbation, while I found myself convicted of sins similar to hers. The story was both mythical and realistic, reminding me a bit of Wicked, but without inducing depression and an urge to throw the book in the nearest fireplace. I think Gregory Maguire must have read Till We Have Faces and said to himself, "How do I write a similar story but make the characters almost completely static, leave out any thought of redemption for the heroine, and force my readers to increase their dosages of Prozac?" In short, don't read Wicked, unless you're simply curious about how bad it actually is. Do read Till We Have Faces, as it is entertaining, gorgeous, and edifying to the soul.
Also, see Batman Begins. It's not really very edifying, except in the usual comic book morality kind of way, but it is entertaining and gorgeous in its own right. Plus, how can you go wrong when the cast includes Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Micheal Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman? Oh, and that Katie Holmes girl, who despite being brainwashed by Tom Cruise is still cute and a good actress.

I'm updating... finally!

2005-10-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, so what's been going on with me? Mostly school. It's boring, it's hard, and I don't like it.
In other news, Carl's in the country again for a few months, so that's nice. We got to spend most of last week (my fall break) together, seeing old friends and whatnot. We saw Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Wererabbit with my friend James. We played with my parents' psychotic mutt puppy. It was fun.
I've begun the process for conversion to Catholicism. It was a little out of the blue, even to me, but it's making more and more sense every day.
Hrm... has anything else been going on? Not really. I mean, I do things every day, but it's mostly even less interesting than what I wrote above. Maybe I'll update this weekend after our class party. There might even be a picture of a pumpkin hand-carved by me.

On a lighter note

2005-07-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

This can't be right... can it?

You are Trisha.

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by

Fourth Fun

2005-07-05T15:01:00.000-07:00

My trip to Arlington, TX was nice. I got to play with my very weird nephew and niece and talk to my sister and see a big, all-day concert at the South Fork Ranch (where they filmed "Dallas"). I didn't see any fireworks last night, but I'm not really a huge fireworks fan anyway.
The concert was pretty good. I didn't really care about most of the bands there, but when I found out Caedmon's Call was performing, I got pretty excited. They totally shocked me when they started their set with a cover of "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" from Paul Simon's Graceland album. Like him, they've recently recorded an album incorporating third-world indigenous musicians. After their set, I headed to one of the pavilions to buy said album for the bargain price of $10.

What can I say about Share the Well? It's both joyous and sobering, challenging and comforting, I danced, I cried...blah, blah, blah. It's awesome. Go listen to it. The trademark Caedmon's Call sound is definitely there, and, as usual, the band has continued to develop their musicianship even further. What sets it apart are the conscious effort to blend their sound with native Indian and South American sounds, and the fact that every song ties in with the theme of practical evangelism. The result is very effective. While listening to it on the way home, I found myself actually regretting buying the CD because it was $10 that I could have given to World Vision or the Blood:Water Mission or something. I'm not sure any sermon or presentation in the past has quite affected me the same way.

Let's face it. I, like most modern Christians, am a near-incurable consumer. Every now and then I reform, but I'm usually sucked back into believing that I actually need whatever it is that I'm wanting at the moment. I've let the culture around me corrupt and destroy my faithfulness in this area. And, what's worse, I've actually convinced myself that this isn't the "main area" of sin in my life, that God is really angry about some other thing or things that don't signify nearly as much about the actual state of my heart. I've learned to block out the story of Jesus and the rich young man, the parable of the camel and the needle, the fact that we can't serve both God and money (or material possessions). I've learned to see the sin as completely normal, moral behavior. But, lately, God's really been dealing with me. He's not letting me off the hook because I send a measley $30 a month to a kid in Haiti and tithe when I remember to. He's leading me to ask whether I really need an internet connection in my apartment, whether I can't sell some of my books and DVD's and send the money to a place where most of the kids never learn to read and never see a movie. And, I'm realizing that the scariness in all this doesn't come from any huge attachment to the things themselves, but from the fear that if I get rid of them, someone might notice what I'm doing. I'm afraid of breaking with the culture around me, which I guess means that I'm afraid of being identified with Christ. How's that for a witness, eh? I've never thought of it in those terms before, but it's true. I wonder how many Christians feel the same way deep down but never know it. I feel like, despite all our efforts to separate with the culture around us over issues like evolution and abortion and the "Christian worldview," we've really been unconsciously identifying ourselves with the world on the huge issue of stewardship. How can anyone adopt a my-morals-are-better-than-your-morals attitude when both parties would rather go out to dinner than keep a foreign child from starving? I know other people have said all this before, but it's been hitting home for me these past few months.
Okay, well this has been long and rambling and all that, so I'll just shut up now. Go listen to and/or buy Share the Well.

Wow

2005-06-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

This is one of the best things I have ever read: http://www.breatharian.com/breatharianism2.htm Thanks to the gentlemen at Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas (http://unfortunateideas.blogspot.com/) for making me aware of this amazing depth of stupidity to which I had no idea any member of humanity had sunk.

San Antonio Adventures

2005-06-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

Well, instead of finding the alleged SuperTarget, what really happened was that I got lost in and around San Antonio for about 3 hours. I should maybe have a detailed road map of the area in my car for future reference. I did finally make it back to post, but without even having found the suburb where the store is supposedly located. I'm pretty sure the Target website made it all up with the complicity of Yahoo! Maps, simply in order to frustrate me.

In other news, we've been having rather boring briefings all week on things like equal opportunity and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. The AC is broken in the building we're in, so we get to take off our BDU jackets while we're inside. I find this very nice, but ironic in light of the fact that we couldn't do that while stuck outside in the sun at Camp Bullis.

If my pass for the four-day weekend is approved, and it almost assuredly will be, I'm gonna head down to Dallas to see my sister and her family and go to the "Freedom Day Concert." I'm not really sure what that is or who will be performing, but it should be fun. I shall update later, y'all.

Camp Bullis --

2005-06-25T16:01:00.000-07:00

or Camp Blister as I like to call it -- was not too bad. I saw interesting wildlife, got to shoot fun firearms, learned how not to get lost in the woods, and got to wear hot BDU's and lots of complicated gear all day.
I think I'm probably going to forget most of what I learned this week, except maybe for land navigation and weapons disassembly, but I can see why they taught it to us. None of it seemed atrociously nonessential. Here's a list of most of it:
1. 10 seconds is longer than you think it is, thank goodness.
2. It's difficult and frustrating to find and put on your uniform, boots, LBE/pistol belt, gas mask carrier, kevlar helmet and M-16 in the dark just to walk across the compound to the porta-john.
3. MRE's really aren't too bad.
4. Weapon accountability is more important than personnel accountability, meaning that your captain cares more about your weapon than he does about you.
5. Guns are less complicated than they look from the outside.
6. 9-line medical evacuation requests and the phonetic alphabet are idiot-proof, unless that idiot is a medical student. (No, it wasn't me.)
7. Ditto radios and field telephones .
8. A map that hasn't been updated since 1976 is only so useful in the woods.
9. The only thing hotter than BDU's in 95-degree heat is a full MOPP (Mission Oriented Personnel Protection) suit and gas mask over your BDU's in 95-degree heat.
10. Moleskin is worthless, but your feet will toughen up.
11. No matter how many times they're warned, some people will still get bitten by the slide on a 9-mm pistol. These are generally the same people who, for some unknown reason, cannot take apart or put back together the 9-mm pistol.
12. I look absolutely hideous in field glasses.
I think that's about it. All together, it was a pretty good week, and I passed everything except for land nav (walked too slowly, didn't have time to get to my last two points before I had to head back to base). After we got back and showered yesterday, most of my platoon went to a bar on the riverwalk, and I had quite a bit more alcohol than was really necessary, so it was a good evening. Right now I'm about to go find a Target. I'm hearing rumors that there's a SuperTarget nearby, and I've never seen one of those. If I find it, I'll let y'all know what I think.

Gone for the week

2005-06-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

We pack the buses and leave for Camp Bullis tomorrow at 0430 and won't be back until Friday night sometime. I've been busy this weekend buying supplies like moleskin, a red lens for my flashlight, and a Camelback. I've also been working on my homework for land navigation. I can do all the map-and-protractor math, but I'm horrible at looking at the contour lines on a map and figuring out what kind of terrain feature they represent. Hopefully, I'll be able to get better at terrain association before they send me out on my own, or I'm going to get very lost.
Anyway, I'll update y'all on the fun times when I get back. For now, I have to finish my laundry and packing.

Hurry up and wait...

2005-06-14T18:54:00.000-07:00

is the unspoken motto of the Army. In-processing took way too long today. Our commander was so angry (not at us, thank goodness) that I think he's actually going to fire someone.
In other news, my foot's feeling better, but my throat hurts because either shards of bone or undissolved stitches from my surgery have been getting lodged in it. Either way, it's really annoying.
Overall, though, it's been pretty good so far. Of course, we haven't actually done anything, so maybe I won't like it later. We do our five-day FTX next week. I'm looking forward to it, kinda.
Anyway, I have to report at 0530 tomorrow, so I should really get to bed. Goodnight all.

Army Time

2005-06-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

I'll be leaving in a couple of hours for Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio. I'm due to report at 2pm tomorrow. (Who ever heard of reporting on a Sunday?!) I'll have my laptop with me, and I think I'll be able to access the internet from time to time. Maybe we'll even have connections in our rooms! Since it's boot camp for medical officers, they pretty much spoil us in the "barracks" department; it's more like a hotel. They even put the folks they can't fit on base into hotels in town.
The only things I'm worried about are the diagnostic PT test when I get there and the wearing of combat boots (haven't even been able to break them in) on my sore foot. Since there are no real consequences to failing the diagnostic PFT, my TAC officer told me over the phone that I might be able to get out of running it the first day for medical reasons. But there's no getting out of having to wear big, heavy, uncomfortable boots, and I will have to start doing actual PT with the other officers within a couple of days. Heal, foot, heal! I bought special blister-healing Band-Aids (tm) at Walgreen's in anticipation of further badness. If I'm prepared, maybe it won't be so sad.
Overall, though, I'm pretty excited to be going. Mark, the guy I know who went last year, said that he had a lot of fun and made neat new friends. Maybe I will have fun and make friends, too.
Anyway, got some packing and last-minute paperwork details to be working out. Ta-ta for now.

Ow

2005-06-08T10:26:00.000-07:00

I strained my foot, then I got my wisdom teeth taken out. In the space of two days. And I have to leave for Fort Sam Houston in less than a week. I'm a moron.

Look, a new post!

2005-04-30T16:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I've been busy and not blogging lately. Sorry to all of you for whom this blog is the one bright spot in an otherwise dark and dismal life.
Speaking of dark and dismal, I've got a gajillion tests in the next two weeks and not a lot of hope of doing well on them. Mostly, I'm worried about neuroscience, because I'm really quite awful at it. Also, I've got to cram a few months worth of physical training into about 5 weeks so I don't die at Officer Basic Course in June. Life at the moment is a little stressful.
Today, though, I'm dedicating myself to cleaning. My parents are visiting tomorrow, 'cause my sister is being inducted into some nursing honor society and the ceremony's here in Little Rock. Anyway, I've got to go do laundry and vacuum and use sponges on things. I shall try to update a bit more frequently, but until classes are over, don't count on it.

Moved!

2005-03-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

Thanks to some much-needed help from my dad, sister, and brother-in-law, I finally got all my stuff moved and situated in the new apartment. The furniture my dad brought up for me looks great. Expect a mass e-mail from me sometime soon with my new address. My phone number hasn't changed. SBC isn't transferring my phone and DSL service until tomorrow, even though I requested on Thursday. I don't know why it should take so long just to type some stuff into a computer. I also don't know why it costs $45 in "transfer fees." It's not like they're making a service call or anything. Oh well. I'm getting about $70 prorated back to me from UAMS parking for my dorm lot permit, so the silly fee is covered.
I'd better go call my preceptor for Introduction to Clinical Medicine, as he's supposed to set up a patient at the VA hospital for me to harass, i.e., do a history and physical on, this afternoon. After that, SPRING BREAK! TTFN.

cadaver memorial, new apartment, J.M. Coetzee

2005-03-09T18:17:00.000-08:00

We had the "Ceremony of Reflection and Gratitude" today to honor the folks who donated their bodies for our gross anatomy course. It was nice. A local preacher gave a 10-minute, rather incomprehensible sermon, some people from our class spoke about their experience, and an alumnus who's now a radiologist read a pretty good poem she wrote when she was in gross anatomy. I'd like to do a nation-wide survey and find out just how many first-year med students find closure by writing poems about gross.
After that, I went to sign my lease and move some stuff into my new apartment. It's TINY (just under 300 sq. ft. total) but pretty nice. The building's secure, there's a nice patio and pool area, and I have what looks like new carpet and a really good refrigerator and range. I think I'll like it there, if I can fit all my stuff in.
I just finished Disgrace by J.M. Coetzee. It was excellent, but I'm still trying to figure out if the main character ever really got anywhere. The book certainly lives up to its name, as the lives of the major characters seem increasingly to be exercises in humility. Belonging to a faith that values humility as a virtue, that aspect of it very much appealed to me. Also appealing is the effortless way in which Coetzee weaves his motifs and symbolism with his story. Nothing seems forced or pretentious. I guess that's why it won a Booker award and the 2003 Nobel prize for literature. I think I'll finish American Gods next, so I can make Carl happy with two books in a row. Then he'll just have to read one of the dozen or so books I've lent him. :p

Time

2005-03-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling kind of strange about time right now. In one sense, I want the time between now and Friday afternoon to stretch to become what I need to pack up all my stuff, clean my apartment, and study enough not to fail my neuroscience test. But I also want the time to shrink to nothing so I can get to nesting in my new apartment and enjoying spring break. And I'm having loads of trouble using my time wisely. Even when I sit down with a book and my trusty highlighters, my mind wanders away for the next 2 hours until I suddenly realize that the page hasn't turned and there's purple ink all over my hand. Why does my brain work in spurts like this? I can work hard and do stuff right for maybe a week or two, but then I can't motivate myself or think straight for a month. I don't understand.
I do the exact same thing with schoolwork, fitness, cleaning, prayer, everything. I'll be going just fine, feeling okay about everything, doing what I'm supposed to do, then suddenly the routine will go off-balance. When that happens, I'm all overcome with guilt and laziness and I can't bring myself to try to re-balance it until a long enough period of time has passed to subconsciously warrant some kind of "new beginning." I know that this isn't a healthy way to do things, but I have no idea how to change it.

webpage part 2

2005-03-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, so my new website is up and running: www.geocities.com/brighid_karis_gamgee
I used Yahoo! PageBuilder to make it, which is a great program if you don't want to mess around with too much HTML. I was able to throw together the whole thing in about 2 hours. Look at the site, sign the guestbook, tell me what you think about it.

Old poem, new title

2005-03-08T15:01:00.000-08:00

"For my Nephews on a July Morning"

The angel and the imp,
You danced inexplicably
In a foot and a half of water
Not nearly so blue
As your matching eyes.
You shouted nonsense phrases
In tandem
And laughed like maniacs,
Tow-headed haloes
Shining in the sun.

Agnostic,
I pretended to laugh with you,
And cried --
For the mortality of gods
And the barter-market of age
And the loss of my own divinity.

Wow, my professors can really waste time.

2005-03-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

I had a physiology lab this afternoon on the mechanics of breathing. We got to use respirometers and stuff. Unfortunately, we had no prior knowledge of the lab, so we spent the entire two hours being confused about what exactly we were supposed to be learning. Overall, this is what I learned from the experience:
1. I have a vital lung capacity of only about 3.5 liters.
2. Dr. Soulsby's method of teaching is not suited for a lab setting.
3. Theoretically, I can now recognize the lung sounds of someone with asthma, someone with emphysema, and someone with bronchitis.
4. If I cause your lungs to collapse by puncturing your chest wall, your thorax will expand to about 75% of your vital capacity.
Yup, med school is buckets of fun.

Webpage

2005-03-07T18:41:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to decide whether or not to build a proper webpage. I have a geocities address, and I had a website for a couple months in college. I liked building and having one, but I wonder if having a blog kind of makes a website obsolete. Any thoughts, friends?

Gross grade

2005-03-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

Missed a B in gross anatomy by a third of a point. Sad. But better than failing. Darn the pelvis and perineum and my completely inability to recognize their structures when they've been hemisected and severed from the rest of the torso! Well, it's time for dinner.

Who the heck comes up with this crap?

2005-03-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

On the side of my CEREAL BOX, it says "Where love reigns the impossible may be attained." That doesn't even rhyme, much less make sense. So, if I'm hanging out with Carl I can levitate? Or conjure a billion dollars out of thin air when I'm taking care of my nephews and niece? Maybe thinking of my parents will help me to make an A in neuroscience? I'm particularly appalled that this is written on the side of my friggin' cereal box. What on earth does it have to do with antioxidants, lightly sweetened multi-grain flakes, crunchy oat clusters, and a full day's worth of iron? Maybe they think that if I love this cereal, the impossible will happen and their insipid little axim will cease to be BS.

Why driving late at night is a bad idea

2005-03-07T00:23:00.000-08:00

It kind of requires you to drink a lot of caffeine, as in two cups of coffee and one of those big cans of SoBe's version of Red Bull. This doesn't prevent you from becoming sleepy but rather transforms that sleepiness into a zombified depression, wherein you can neither sleep nor smile. You are forced to sit at your computer and type ramblings on a blog, as though someone out there actually wanted to read them.
(Take the right fork)
I notice that blogspot's navigation page is called the dashboard. And blogs are kind of like online confessions. Does that make this my dashboard confessional? I sure hope not. That guy whines even more than I do. And like a junior high boy.
(Turn left)
On the dresser in my mother's walk-in closet in Fort Smith lies my Shell credit card and the key card necessary to get into my building after 5 pm. That was awful dumb of me.
(Exit 19 looks good)
Tom Waits really kicks ass. And my sweetheart kicks ass for introducing me to Tom Waits' music. I really wish that Howlin' Wolf were still alive. It would be the most amazing thing for him and Waits to do a duet.
(What the hell. Pull off the road and take a nap.)
Yeah, it's time to try sleep again. Read the poem I posted earlier. I swear I wrote it as sincerely as I've ever done anything, but boy howdy does it sound pretentiously crappy. I might delete these posts in the morning, but I'm gonna leave 'em tonight. (If you caught that reference, switch all your presets to NPR.)

last year's attempt at blank verse with a central metaphor

2005-03-06T23:36:00.000-08:00

See how well it worked out. :p I publish this only to amuse my two readers. If only I had the gift of metaphysical poetry! If only metaphysical poetry didn't go out of fashion in the 17th century. Sad, sad.

"Burn-out"

The sparks drift up into the smoke-skinned air
And seem like stars before they flicker out
Just bits of wood and ash, a moment's blaze,
Their fuel is spent before they've left the flame.
Is that my fate, floating in a grey
Of lightless souls and waiting death,
To be used up in bright, impassioned faith?
If righteous heat consumes my restless flesh,
I am afraid no spirit will survive,
Fly up and greet the Lender of its light
With offerings of lasting fire, and that the blaze
Is all and end of all, the brief and failed
Attempt of wood and ash to blend with stars

A couple poems

2005-03-03T21:50:00.000-08:00

The second one especially still needs work as it's only a second draft.

"September Walkabout"

This twilight afternoon
Purples my fingertips as water drips
From a no-color sky
To slowly soak my shoulders

This sprinkling baptism
Makes a sacrilege of my black umbrella
As I greet with upturned face
The cold-lipped kiss of autumn

"Easter"

Still
As still as this wet April sunrise
Quiet and still
As none of us had ever been
in the shiny mausoleum
The metallic clang and thud of the table being opened,
the whine and slap as she pulls on the tight latex gloves,
Echo
like a lightbulb bursting in an empty theater.
But her face is still.
She folds back the plastic,
and a few patters of condensation drip to the cement.
She takes time to contemplate their journey
into the floor drain.
The smell is bad now.
The white cotton has turned green from the mold
despite three months of fighting.
But her face is still
as she removes the sheet
and exposes the corpse of a man,
a stranger they called Henry.
Dissected --
cut and torn and sawed
into manageable pieces for better viewing,
better learning,
soon it would be dust.
And a young woman is still
Finally still
Before the split face of her teacher,
before the sacrilege and the mystery,
In this last Lenten meditation,
saying
Farewell to the flesh.

Um, okay

2005-03-01T17:16:00.000-08:00

All I wanted to do was post a comment to Dr Dung's blog. Now, I have a blog. Great. All I needed was another thing to feel guilty about not keeping up with. Stupid blogs.

1990-03-08T18:14:00.000-08:00

profile pic